Wellbeing Article: How to Get Over a Breakup
Wellbeing Article: How to Get Over a Breakup

How to Get Over a Breakup

A gentleman who recently separated from his wife and children asked, “How do I find peace, how do I get over a breakup?” Master Sri Avinash’s perspective gives an insight into what life is really about, enabling us to navigate these difficult situations by working with life and not against it.

Reading Time – 4 Minutes

How life works

Having to get over a breakup, losing your partner, is a terrible situation for anyone to be in. Because all we want with our loved ones and family is that feeling of unity. That’s why we want family, you know. It’s natural and it’s beautiful. So when suddenly the opposite happens, it hurts.

So, understand that. But I’d also like to share the truth about how life works, because when you understand that, it gives you comfort.

You see, life – or the Source or the Divine Self in you – has a goal. And that goal is to elevate you to the throne of your perfection, to awaken the Master within you. That’s what life is trying to do.

So how does life do that? It smashes us. Not “us” – it smashes our mind, our ego. It makes us let go. We try to hang on, hang on, but life makes us let go. In other words, life makes us surrender into feeling, “Oh, I don’t have to worry about anything anymore.” Life is trying to make us do that.

So when we understand that, we work with life, not against life. We work with it, like a surfer who takes advantage of the wave to ride in to the shore.

We have to know how life works and then take advantage of it, working with it, not against it.

To get over a breakup we must transform

So in that situation, how life works is life will break your ego mind, your false self – that miserable self. Because that’s not who we are, that’s not us. Life will break that false identity and crush that. And if we think, “But that’s me,” it will crush you until you’re just tired.

Sometimes a person is just broken – tired and broken. But when you speak to that person they’re really sweet. There is a sweetness about them, a surrendered gentleness and softness about them.

It’s nice to speak to them, because life has crushed them and they have kind of let go in that moment. That’s why they become sweet. Later, they might have another crack at holding on and life will crush them again!

The transformative power of relationships

So one of the most powerful tools that life will use in this process is relationships.

Normally, if someone screams at you, you will say, “See you later, I’m going.” Then life can’t really crush you, crush your ego mind. But when we are in a relationship with the person, we can’t leave, because we love them. We want to leave but we can’t. So life has a chance to kind of hit you again and again, until you’re broken.

An enlightened person is a broken person that is totally in acceptance with it and content with it. They have totally let go, and therefore there’s no suffering, there’s no resistance. The ego is totally broken – kaput! An enlightened person doesn’t feel, “I’m going to have another crack at it.”

So life will use relationships. It’s a very powerful tool to crush our ego, our false self.

Then, if that doesn’t work, if we’re still not understanding the teachings or the message, and we aren’t learning through relationships, then life will use other means. So that’s physical illness, diseases and things like that. And that breaks us.

So if we understand, then we just let go.

Letting Go

On my spiritual path, I wasn’t great at many spiritual practices. I was alright, but I wasn’t great – many people were much better than me. But I was really good at letting go. I was really good at just feeling, “Let go, I don’t want to fix anything. Just let go, relax.” I was really good at that.

So life is trying to make us let go. And the amazing thing is that in relationship breakups, when you let go, naturally the pain goes too. Because when you let go, suddenly there’s space, there’s love of letting go, there’s respect, and allowing the other person to be free.

And the irony is this: when we let go, life doesn’t crush us anymore. Because it doesn’t work!

If a con man is trying to trick someone, they only try to trick the person they know they can con. But if they know you can’t be conned, they just move on to the next customer. In the same way, life won’t crush you anymore, because it doesn’t work when you have let go.

When you understand that truth and you just surrender, just let go, you have more peace within you. And the other person – your partner – will have more peace also. They will feel relieved. They will see you and they will change, without you trying to change them. But if you try to change them, they won’t change!

So try to understand how life works, and don’t go against life. To go against life is like trying to tackle an elephant. You won’t win. Better to just surrender, and then you’ll feel better, you’ll be happy.

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