Putting Others First

We have to understand why we are trying to put ourselves last and others first. Because if we don’t understand the benefit, why would we do that? But once we understand the benefit of it we realise, “Wow, that is how a wise person will live.”

So, we need a clear understanding of what that way of living will create—the outcome of that perspective.

When it’s difficult to live like that, that just simply means we haven’t got a high level of conviction in the benefits of putting others first. We might know about it from hearing a spiritual Master talk about it, but if we don’t live it, or if we struggle to live it, that means our conviction in the value of living it is not very high at that point in time.

So, it’s important to understand the benefit of living like that. And understand it deeply, understand it tearfully—not by just reading a sentence and then thinking, “I understand that.” Or by hearing a teacher say a few words and then thinking, “I understand that.” No, that understanding is not deep.

Through tearful contemplation, our understanding becomes deep and our conviction becomes clear. Then our actions will follow, easily.

Otherwise, we’re bashing our head against a wall, trying to follow a philosophy that we have no belief in. How are we going to do it?

So, we have to understand.

Great Masters like Jesus have said, “The first will be last and the last will be first.” What does that mean?

The starting point for us on this planet is we have the habit of believing we are the body and the mind. For example, if suddenly you get diagnosed with cancer, you’re going to be nervous, but if you know you’re not the body and the mind, you wouldn’t be nervous at all, would you? How many people do you know would get diagnosed with cancer and just have a smile on their face, unaffected? How many people do you know who can do that? Not many.

So, the starting point we have to work from is we identify ourselves with the body and the mind. And we are trying to get that body/mind identity into a zero. In other words, we are trying to know that’s not who we are.

And one of the greatest ways to do this is to put yourself last and others first. Because putting yourself last means putting your ego last—it’s not putting your Divine Self last, because the Divine Self will always see you the same as everyone, not higher, not lower. But what we’re trying to do is make our false identity, the body and the mind, into a zero.

If a person doesn’t have a goal to lose their ego, to dis-identify with the body and the mind so that they can realise their true Self, then this has absolutely no meaning. So, we’re assuming that’s the goal. Then let’s move on from there.

If we have that goal, and we have the conviction and understanding about why we put others first and ourselves last, then the next step is to do that every opportunity. Because each time we do that we’re saying, “I am not the body and the mind. I am the Divine Self.”

The body and the mind would never do that—as a matter of fact it’s impossible for the body and mind to do that. So, if you do that, then you’ll knock that false self over. It won’t happen in one hit, but in many, many, many hits.

Now, even if we understand that, it’s not easy. Even though it’s probably the best approach on the spiritual path, it’s not easy, because we have a certain habit, a certain automatic pattern, where we put others last and ourselves first. We automatically think, “What benefit can I get out of this for me?” It’s the habit of always putting ourselves first.

That habit will still exist even when we have conviction in what we’re doing—that’s not going to disappear. So, then we begin our practice of this, with that understanding.

Without that understanding and that conviction, practice will be meaningless. We won’t even do it. We might do it if our Guru is watching or other people are watching, but if no-one’s watching, we won’t do it.

So, that conviction must be there, then we move to sincerity. Because if nobody’s watching and we’re living like that, now we’re talking about sincerity. Then, even though it’s difficult each time—somebody needs help, but you don’t feel like helping, you haven’t got time, you haven’t got money, you haven’t got the energy, you don’t know them anyway, how do you know if they’ll appreciate it, how do you if know they even need it—we do it anyway.

For example, say you’re in India and you’re standing for an hour on a crowded bus, and some good fortune comes to you because the person that’s vacating the seat to get off at the next stop happens to be right next to you. So you’ve got the first choice to sit there.

Your first thought will be, “Ahh, I can’t believe my luck, I’ve got sore feet, I don’t want to stand for the next three hours on the bus.” You want to sit down. So, don’t sit down, do the opposite. Offer another person the seat, “Sir, would you like to take the seat?” Say it like you are happy for them, as if it was you getting the free seat.

Once the person sits down it’s too late, you can’t get it back! Your mind can say whatever it likes after that, it’s too late—deed done!

Well, that’s the practical reality of this approach. You won’t feel like, “I’ll be a noble person, and I will offer this seat to another.” You won’t feel like that! Until your practice is very advanced to the point where you rarely identify yourself with the body and the mind, the ego. When you are very advanced it will be spontaneous for you to offer the seat. You couldn’t think otherwise, you see.

That’s just one example, and of course life will present millions of situations where we can apply this perspective. But that’s the approach.

Each time we do that there’s a great feeling, there’s a sense of victory. It’s almost like a little milestone. It’s a feeling that you can defeat the mind each time, like, “Wow, I can defeat the mind.” Not in one bout, but there can be other bouts.

And you do it again and again and again and suddenly your life will not be nervous anymore, because you know you can knock over the mind in every situation. There’s a feeling of peace and true confidence, a feeling of love arising in you, naturally. You don’t need to look for love—you have it, naturally.

So that’s why such a great Master like Jesus would say something like that—the first will be last and last will be first. And those who put themselves first, they will be last—which means they will be miserable, their life will be suffering. To the degree that you put others last and you first, to that same degree you will have suffering in your life. And vice versa. That’s why Jesus said that.

There are so many different approaches and practices on this spiritual path, but that is the quickest and the easiest in some senses. Because if we’re courageous to do that, one bout at a time, it’s achievable, it’s doable. We’re not talking about people with special gifts or talents—any person can do this. There are very few people who don’t have the capacity to vacate their seat for another, for example. It’s very easy, you see.

But you need courage, and that’s why few people embark on this way of living suggested by Jesus and by Amma and by many other great Masters. Very few spiritual seekers actually live like that. When you embark on this, you’ll become the spiritual loner! In that sense, it’s not easy, but it is. It just takes courage.